Big fat hugs, RB.
Sh*t happens. Thank you for sharing your moment of choosing a not-ideal way of dealing with stuff. I think we've all done stupid stuff. I get so sick from drinking I haven't done that -- but that doesn't mean I haven't done other things that, in retrospect, were really poorly thought out...
And the upside to it is that you did learn something. That you're clinging to the idea of a perfect relationship. I've recently come to the insight that I'm doing something similar: Clinging to the idea of the perfect life. You know, where all the cakes come out perfect from the oven and all the children are well-dressed and never yell "I HATE YOU!" to their mother.
Life's messy. People who portray perfection in their lives are usually hiding something. Or lying to themselves.
Whatever else you have in your life, you have honesty. That's the best place to start.