I have been been clinging to the dream also baby. I do not drink but have been addicted to an alcoholic abuser. Taking his abuse with the excuse that he has a disease that he is "working" on recovering from....not recognising that he wasnt holding up his end of the bargain. only doing the bare minimum. I lost my dignity and have been stuck on how I have returned his abuse with my own. I was trying to take the blame for him and didnt even realise it! I decided last night to pick co dependent no more and started reading the chapter on acceptance! Today I realise the only person I owe amends to is myself. My abuser excelled at bringing me down to that level to make himself feel better...I was fully aware of what he was doing...and I let him. If you can, read this. It changed my whole perspective! Sorry you are struggleing. But good things can come from bad!