Got drunk and had a breakdown.
almost a week ago. I have stopped beating myself up about it and am ready to move on. I know it happened partly because of the anger, disappointment and pain I've felt since my BF's relapse. I could not sit with those feelings anymore and chose to numb out. He's not drinking now. It scared the shi!t out of him and me.
What a huge mistake. I could have ended up in the hospital or dead. I went to my Shambhala meditation group last night and realized I was clinging so tightly to the idea of this perfect relationship that I literally lost my mind. Well, that and I should never, ever drink because of the interactions with the meds I take. I know attachment is part of being human, but why can't I just be f*cking normal? Why do I put myself through such a struggle?
Anyway, thank you for listening. Gentleness is appreciated.