Originally Posted by
alphaomega 
I'm an anxious hot mess by nature.
I disagree and you know this is not true. You might be often out of balance but you recently have found a way to get center through your meditation. You say so yourself.
Originally Posted by
alphaomega Day three, I caved. I had a glass of wine at dinner, and for reasons I am not even remotely proud of, suddenly, I felt it all lift.
Ahhhhhhh, I could breathe again.
I'm frightened as to what this means. Psychologically. Physiologically.
My dear, you are an addict, like me. Alcoholic if you prefer that term, I prefer addict and alcohol being one of my addictions. So sorry if I projected my own term on you, sister. You used because it was the easiest coping mechanism available. You were not vigilant and mindful of what was going on and you used. There is no magic in the wine. No physiological benefit going on - you mind gave you a rush of dopamine, same with a line of coke or shot of heroin and this lifted the anxiety. This has nothing to do with planets just an addict getting your fix.
What seems more dangerous to me than your relapse is your willing rationalization post to keep you in relapse mode AO. Cape Cod, drinking and now these posts, which read like a giant rationalization as if the booze was a magical pill for you. Come on, not from you, you are stronger than this.
Lets take a look at the circumstances prior to NYC. You have been isolating on here for quite some time. What program are you working? My guess is this relapse happened weeks or months ago and NYC was the perfect excuse to let the dogs out so to speak. It gave you a convenient excuse to rationalize your relapse.
BTW - You know I care for you deeply and I hope you will give it to me straight with your opinion if I relapse too. So Blow Me!