(((Raider))) my sweet sister. I'm so very sorry you are struggling as well. Damn disease.
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not touting "moderation". I know, damn well, where this can lead because I've been and done. More times than I care to remember. This is not me saying, look, I can drink and I'll be ok.
No.
Not ok.
I can't change how I'm hard wired, anymore than I can change my eye or skin color. But over the decades, I have found coping mechanisms that most often work. I have always been like this. And I swear, it's almost as if, the more I practice meditation, yoga, prayer, etc. the MORE sensitive I become.
It's like being raw. All the time. And just sometimes are worse than others.
I cried for 3 days until my husband finally looked at me and said, PACK IT UP. He took me to Cape Cod, and I was able to ground and center myself again.
But I drank there too.
Because at that point, I figured, screw it.
And this is how it begins...