You say you are afraid of change.
You nailed it. I know that for me...for most of my life alcohol was "the solution" not "the problem".
I drank to deal with what I could not deal with. And as more time passed..the less I could deal with. Suddenly I couldn't deal with the end of the workday without alcohol. I couldn't do housework or cook a meal without wine. I couldn't socialize without it. I couldn't watch tv without it. I could barely eat without it.
More and more...alcohol was my "solution" for everything...maybe even breathing..
THAT's when it gets real scary.
Life is out there...but of course you cannot imagine it. It's a great big giant adventure. Of course you're scared.
But people are doing it...and pssssst....liking it.
It's time to actually start solving problems..
Not running from then....not avoiding them.
Dealing with them.
But first things first...
If you want to stop drinking...
You have to identify it as a problem...not a solution.