Evening Roxyharris:
Help's on the way. Your story sounds similar to mine, except for one minor detail: I've been dating my AB for 23 years now. And let me tell you, he's told me things will change over and over and over again. Did they? NEVER. So why did I keep accepting verbal abuse from him (yes, mine did that too, but only when drunk, which eventually became every day)? Because I loved him and thought things might change.
Well, you're asking the same questions after 2 years of dating your AB that I am just now asking at the 23-year mark. So, you're well ahead of the game compared to me. When will your AB change? Only when and if he wants to. It could be tomorrow or it could be never.
One thing I've learned after dealing with an AB for 23 years is that he will lie to me again and again about his drinking, about his "desire to change," about basically every aspect of his life. Our entire relationship has been a sham. So what can you change about your situation? About your relationship?
You've already learned that you can't change your AB. You've already learned that you can't control his drinking, you didn't cause his drinking, and you can't cure it. The only thing you can change is yourself. You have some tough decisions to make--decisions that are weighing heavy on your mind. And these are decisions you now must make for two. You must consider what's best for both your life and your baby's life.
If I had stopped deceiving myself years ago that I could change my ABs behavior then I wouldn't have wasted 23 years of my life. You've only endured two years of life with an AB and already you're learning that things won't change unless you make some changes. As a much wiser member of this board is famous for saying:
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
You already know your AB is not about to change. Now you know that the only person you can change is yourself. Stick around. Ready the "stickys" on the top of the page, they're a good place to start. Get yourself copies of Melody Beatty's book, "Codependent No More," find an Alanon group in your area, and keep posting.
You are not alone. We've all been there and done that, each in our own unique way. Here in SR we share our trials and tribulations, our strengths and weaknesses, our hopes and dreams, and ultimately our triumphs and successes.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.