Hello wonderful SR folks - I have not posted for some time, but I do read others' posts periodically, which never fail to inspire and motivate me as I walk my own recovery path.
Some of you may remember my story - 3 years with an ABF: an old flame - the person I considered The Love of My Life - with whom I had reconnected after nearly 20 years.
I broke up with him last summer, but didn't go No Contact until several months ago. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
My "Trail of Tears" is an actual hiking trail near my house - I walked it every day during the excruciating period of letting go, and would invariably stop at a particular tree and weep - for him, for me, for all the lost dreams and hopes.
Meanwhile, I was slowly beginning to live again - consciously reactivating all my interests, passions, hobbies; focusing on my beautiful daughters, other family, friends, neighbors; things I had been struggling to "fit in" around the drama, pain, confusion, fear and preoccupation with my spiraling ABF. Alanon meetings were very helpful during this time, combined with personal therapy, regular exercise and other self care, journaling, and the fellowship of you all here at SR.
And little by little, baby-step by baby-step, I started to feel like myself again - a strong, creative, intelligent woman who is capable of so much more than obsessing over an adult man who seemed determined to kill himself with alcohol (all the while professing his undying love for me and my girls - very confusing to say the least!).
Well, here I am - not perfect, still prone to occasional fits of tears, nostalgic moments, wishful thinking - but I am here, and I am whole and complete, without the man I thought I couldn't live without.
I wish to thank you all for your loving compassion, painful reality checks, support, and most of all, for having the courage to share your own stories and your struggles. You all have helped me more than you will ever know.
