I completely understand what you are saying. I am almost 7 months sober now. I was almost nine months sober when my brain convinced me i didn't want to be sober anymore..... So, I drank. I went on vacation and had a few beers throughout the night. Tried moderation. Realized about half way through that night that I could be drunk which eventually would lead back to misery. Or I could be 100% sober however, I could not be a happy normal drinker. The obsession for more was and always will be there.
Take time and reflect on the past 30 days. Where you were, why you quit and what the benefit is for you in returning to drinking. Really weigh the pros/cons. Decide what you want out of it??
Just my advice....
Jess