Tentindependent

I split from my addict 3 years ago. I fully relate to to your feelings of guilt.
I felt so guilty about the idea of leaving him with nothing. This is despite him having cost me tens of thousands of pounds over our 12 year relationship, including the profits from an endowment policy I'd been paying since before we got together.
Now bear in mind that I knew he had an alcohol problem but didn't fully acknowledge his alcoholism until after we'd split.

This is what happened due to my guilt:
- we split bank accounts but I got to keep the overdraft and credit card debt.
- he paid me 'rent' while looking for new place, while living in the spare bedroom. I gave him every penny back to use as deposit and first month rent when he did find a place, despite the fact he was moving in with a friend who should have paid towards it as well but didn't.

- When he moved out I took the day off work and shifted everything in my car to save him paying for removals. The friend did nothing to help and turned up later after the work had been done.
'Everything' included half the furniture including the TV and DVD set I was still paying for at the time. Half the linen, crockery, cutlery, kitchen equipment and half the contents of the food cupboards. I then went out and bought him a new duvet, water filter jug and microwave oven. We didn't have two of those and I felt bad about that.

- I was left with a pile of rubbish that was left where the couch used to be. I spent the next few weeks sitting on a camp chair and the next few months sleeping in our old, filthy, p*ss stained bed.

- we had 6 pets when we split. He took one and agreed to look after vet appointments and bills. Guess who ended up arranging the appointments and paying the vet bills when the (elderly) dog got sick and eventually died. He promised to pay me back, knowing full well I was struggling to look after myself and the other five pets after getting a huge pay cut at work. This was 18 months ago. I'm still waiting.

I did all that I did because as his wife, and the one ending the relationship, I felt it was my responsibility to make sure he didn't go without. I also assumed that I took too much responsibility regarding our finances and that it was my fault he was hopeless with money. I was certain that once he got used to dealing with household finances himself everything would be fine. What actually happened was that he spent the next 18 months running up a ton of debt (having left the marriage with a clean financial slate), throwing in his job because he 'couldn't cope with having to work', allowing his friend to pay nothing towards the bills while guilt tripping me into giving him money then giving up the house and running back to his mummy while filing for bankruptcy. Oh, and he expected that I would give up my time to clear the house for him! I didn't; it was around this time I decided to go No Contact, acknowledge my codependency and look after myself.

Three years after we split I have paid for the divorce myself and have been running in circles worrying about saving for unexpected bills, catching up with my pension (neglected because there was never any money spare), replacing the furniture he damaged and paying off the marital debts. He's living with mummy while going to college one day a week, calling himself a 'student' and being happy as Larry with no responsibilities.

Is that what you want for yourself?