You know, I don't actually care if he likes me or not...honest. I know he loves me.
I just think that he will get mad enough to walk out the door. that is what i am thinking will happen if I have a large group. at least, when I talk about whats going to need to happen.
I just want a male here, so he will respect a lot more what I am saying. He does not try to bully males. he is not a big guy.
Its a shame, but I am going to cancel my sleepover with my four year old grandson. I will go there to watch him.
I worry to have him here. I told my son this morning that the drugs have to be out of my home. that I would turn him in and whoever else is implicated. He said, I dont know where you get your ideas mom,,, I think i have a cold.. quack quack.
I dont trust him. He hasn't slept decently for days. up on the computer, then quiet for a few hours then up again. I know because his room is directly across from mine, my place is small, and I have been here with the granddaughter for the last two days and its just easy to see his patterns.. but anyway, I am afraid if he goes bonkers, since I threatened his life style, that he may be sleep deprived, take something else, go nuts while my grandson is here. not going to risk it. I will go to their house, and explain and my SIL will likely want to kick his butt , though SIL is a great guy...
I am sick of this affecting my life. with no hope of good coming out of it, you know?
I know he uses his anger to control me.. tried last time and I called the police. and I will do so in a heartbeat, and next time, I will tell them that he may have bad stuff in his room, let them look and take him away if he does. he deserves that, for ruining my peace. 42 years old is pretty old to be just wasting away, with no good reason. I know he needs help. I believe he is self medicating, but its not excusable.. he does not go bonkers without it.. just nervous and distracted and miserable.