You have done the right things.
And you are not powerless.
But yes, being an ACOA can bring these feelings to the forefront in these situations.
You have power, and you have control.
Firstly, you have control over you. Your responses. Your attitude here.
Acceptance my love. Yes, I know you want this situation to change, but in order for that to happen you need some peace of mind. It is what it is right now. OK, he was stoned. There are issues. All of these things make you want to move forward to something better for both you and him. That's a positive thing.
Acceptance. And then we move forward.
You have some great ides. You are a list maker. Write it down. Work through it.
And effect some changes. One at a time if need be...
This can be better.
The path out may not be clear right now, but there IS a path, and you are working your way along it.
I love you.
V xx