I absolutely cannot talk to AH. Have tried and he shuts me out or starts yelling or worse starts throwing things. I have given up talking a couple of years ago. Once and a while, I'll try to have a gentle conversation but doesn't work.
Part of recovery is "accepting the things we cannot change" and changing the things we can. We can change ourselves and yes, Alanon and a therapist would be great. In Alanon, which certainly saved my sanity, I learned to stop obsessing about a drunk and dealing my own issues. It came down to asking myself if I trusted and respected the alcoholic. The answer was clearly no, so I left. A big hug.