Thanks to everyone that replied. I'm a week now of no contact and it will be 3 weeks on Tuesday since I last saw him but really it's one week of absolutely no contact. I almost caved a few times and texted him I just wanted to say hi but I didn't I could see how the conversation would go with me asking questions and causing more distress for me. This is what I see when I think of contacting him and it has helped!! It is hard but I am seeing the benefits.
I think his mum probably gave off to him for not seeing my daughter on Sunday as he was hungover. He collected my son the next day to take him to his exam and my son said mum he's not well you should have heard his voice he has a throat infection. I had to laugh because if he had been sick his mum would have said the day before. I think he was putting on a voice that would make it seem as though he had a throat infection and I told my son what his granny told me the day before that he was in bed with a hangover and had he been sick she would have told me.
I have found that I have been able to focus on my own feelings although there are so many emotions running around it's hard to know how I am feeling. The other day I was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about how much I miss him when I questioned myself what I missed about him and I couldn't answer except having someone here so I didn't feel so lonely when I realised that even when he was here there were many times I felt just as lonely. I think what I am feeling is hurt by his actions and choosing his addiction over his family.
Feeling great my kids are 16 & 20 not really kids but they're my kids. So yes they are old enough to tell him what's on their mind but I'm not sure they will. My daughter didn't reply to his texts until today when he finally asked her to go out for breakfast tomorrow morning and her reply was a short no. He doesn't get it the amount of times he has said to her you haven't come to see me. I don't feel it's her place to run after him he walked out so he could drink it's up to him to make the effort with them both. In total this week my daughter hasn't seen him and my son will probably spend no more than 2 hours with him and that's including breakfast tomorrow morning. He hasn't even arranged to see them on Father's Day probably as he will be in bed hungover or still drinking from the night before!! He's not making any effort yet when it comes to going to his mates house so he can drink nothing is too much trouble!!!!
From all the reading I've done I knew I enabled his drinking but always thought I never covered up for it. I never realised until the last few days that I did cover up for his drinking to his kids. When he continued drinking the next day I would always have told the kids oh he's at granny's or his dads or he went to his brothers which is a few miles away but I suppose they knew they saw him drinking the night before I'm sure they heard our arguments. They didn't however realise how bad the problem was until he left which I was honest with the kids and told them that he wants to be on his own do what he wants and drink when he wants I am no longer covering for him!! He needs to face the consequences of his actions.