Originally Posted by honeypig

Rattler, you'll find there is almost no direct discussion of the alcoholic in Alanon meetings. That's b/c the focus is placed on us, the wives/girlfriends/partners/parents/children/friends, rather than on the A. Since there is nothing we can do to control the A and the only person we can control is our self, this makes sense.

I felt like you did when I first began going to meetings--I wanted to tell my story and hear those of others. I found it a bit frustrating that we never seemed to talk directly about our situations. I learned that arriving early at meetings and/or staying a bit late (to put chairs away, etc.) can be a good way to get to talk to folks outside the actual meeting format. If someone at the meeting seems to strike a chord w/you, you can certainly contact her to meet for coffee and a chat outside the meeting, too. Did you receive a phone list so you can contact the members outside of the regular meeting times? I think most meetings hand these out to newcomers as a matter of course.

Again, I found that reading Alanon literature helped me to understand what was going on at the meetings. "How Alanon Works" and "Paths to Recovery" are particular favorites of mine. You also might benefit from one of the daily readers such as "Courage to Change" or "One Day at a Time." In fact, if you'd like to see what one of these daily readers is like, Carlotta posts the reading from "Courage to Change" here on the F&F forum each day.

Glad you found the courage to go, and I hope you keep on going. Your understanding and strength will grow in time.