I've been where you are, confused. I wasn't married and didn't have children with my A and I know that makes it so much more difficult. But I did revolve all my energy and thoughts on him. It is hard to break out of that and it does take time. But it is worth it when you can finally break free from the obsessive worry and anxiety. Put all your worries about him in God's hands or your hp or just send them out into the universe. But get rid of them and put the focus on you and the kids. Be patient. It doesn't happen overnight but you will get there.