Welcome back, James. Seeing people enjoying drinks in the sun often plays tricks with my mind. For me the reality is sitting in the sun for one (alone, not socially!) Before ending up in the supermarket buying bottles, shutting myself indoors drinking to blackout, then passing out. Before waking up on the couch the next morning wishing the sun would go away as I have a disgusting hangover and am full of guilt shame and dread.
I play the tape to the end, and think of the consequences. It's not worth it.
Pick yourself up, it's a new day
you can do this