first off, thank you time and replies and hugs.
Lillamy, and Dandylion, I do feel mental issues are at play overall, in his problems.
It may be necessary for me to insist that he get evaluated, again. Its not easy
to make him do anything. I have no other support, as in boy friend or
husband, to help 'motivate' him to do as I ask.
I have always wondered about ADHD honestly. He is so proud and stubborn. would not
consider it, to save his life.
I've seen him work hard, he is super talented in computer, and
could do good things, if he believed in hisself and was not depressed.
Refiner, Yes, you are right. consequences are a natural motivation
for humans. He has shoes, but he will probably blame me,
because I wont let him use my truck... if
he even goes to the interview tomorrow.
He wont mention the shoes, the gifts. I hurt for taking them back,
and will get him something else, but today, I was just angry, at his lack of normal thinking.
Lethe, It will probably be that.. forcing him to do something.
He did get obama care insurance. He was getting food stamps
but will not go and do the occasional work program for them, and lost
his food stamps... too proud.
I do want peace. I think that is why I let the situation
stand as it is.. it is more peaceful to know where he is sleeping
and that he is eating, than to hope he can survive on the street.
lovetohikect, dear heaven, this is me...
"We have the peace of mind, such as it is,
when he's under our roof, that he's not out
sleeping under a bridge, but then we also
have the sickening feeling of time and
opportunities slipping away, while he ROTS
under our roof."
I grieve each day, because of this. I wish I had
some support in this, too, as in a husband. his dad is useless.
and lives far away and will not help. of course, if he did,
it would not be much better than what I am doing, in
not making him do something for hisself.
My son knows how much I love him. we are really close.
he would not blame me, after it was said and done, I know.
when he was in the shelter, he often apologized for
putting me in the position of having to grieve
over him being there.
thanks for the positive vibes. I hung onto them today.
Fandy, I wish I could find my power, I swear to God, I do. I feel so weak, and
so frustratingly powerless. I dont know why.
You are right. he loves his internet. but I remember
a time when he sat in his friends vacant and cold trailer,
with no food , no heat, no internet and just huddled
under a blanket and played games on the computer- the kind you dont
need internet for. he was in his early thirties then,
and I and my husband at the time went and got him..
I think he would have starved. really.
Fandy I just don't know how to do it. it breaks my heart.
applying for state help, do you mean filing for disability?
Recovering2, this makes me ill, to read. I have read
others stories like this. It is exactly what I do not
want for him.
I tried to find al-anon in my area, we don't have any
close by. online is my only option and the one I tried was sort
of strange feeling. I would do anything to get the wisdom
and courage to do the right things, though. that is why I am here.
thank you all. I wish I could keep my head out of the
sand. when things go smoothly here, it is
so easy to put off doing the right things.
I have been so used to turmoil and dysfunction all my life
that moments of peace are enough it seems.
I just told him that I took his things back, but that they did not have the right sizes. He said, dont worry mom, just get some food with the money. He is not selfish. He wants things, a home, family, but cannot do the things he needs to do, to get them. I do not know if he drinks to self medicate, or if he drinks because he can't not drink when he has money. probably both.