Well done delivery guy
Having bipolar myself and BPD I can relate to what your going through
sometimes the mental health and the AV alcohol voice as its called on here seem to be friends sometimes....they seem to feed off each other ....
I often wonder do I crave a drink because I'm an alcoholic or do I crave a drink because of my mental illness ? I have often tried to drink sensibly , the voices say I deserve it so I go and buy some only to be back in that black pit again....and then I feel worse for relapsing and on it goes
I'm so proud of you for fighting through that battle in your mind and for pouring it down the sink well done , no doubt you will have felt exhausted afterwards , exhausted yet relived all at once
Keep at it, I think that those of us with mental health have a much harder time than those who just have depression caused by the alcohol alone ...to us its like what came first the mental health or the alcohol ? of course its the mental health that caused us to self medicate through the drink in the first place but sadly whilst doing this we made ourselves hopeless addicts....
well done
hugs from the lake district united kingdom