I have to throw my opinion into this thread. I don't want to, but here goes. My AH had an affair years ago. It absolutely killed me. I obviously obsessed the situation. Over and over. And to be honest, I am still not over it. Deep down, it's there. I don't know if it was the 13th step, or just him hoping someone could actually understand his poor precious terrible life (sarcasm). For the first time ever in our marriage, I packed my crap and my kids and went home to mommy across the state. For the first, and probably only time, he could see the damage he caused to me, to the kids, and to his own life. Its seems like every boundary I ever laid on the ground was crossed over the years, but that was the biggest and the hardest to overcome, and trust me, there were some big ones.
Okay, now, I could and can to this day see the absolute remorse within him. And I can guarantee you....HE WOULD NEVER have put himself back into the same situation. He actually quit working at that company because they worked together. Does that mean he will never cheat again, no. Come on, he is an addict. They will do anything for self - gratification. But I can tell you this, if he ever cheated again, he would be slapped with a divorce so fast his head would fly right off! But, I am a healthy person now.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if you bf was truly remorseful, IMO, no matter how screwed up he was (drug wise), he would not even consider putting himself back in the same situation with the same girl. it would not even be a conversation to have.
Okay, I am done revisiting my past. Yuck!!