Originally Posted by
Taking5 
Maybe that was just a typo, but as a rule, addicts do not attend alanon or naranon meetings - these meetings are for the friends and family of the addicts. I believe you mean AA or NA meetings.
it's not a rule... often times relationships suffer in recovery because addicts don't work on their codependency... and there are a lot of 13th steppers in the family groups.
IMO addicts 13th step because a person in the rooms "gets it" where as a SO who has never had an addiction "doesn't get it"
Birds of a feather flock together. Sometimes there are too many resentments (and rightfully so) from the SO. So this new person is like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes, cheaters are just chasing a new legal high.
I was a cheater in a previous relationship and did it because I wanted out, tried to break up, tried to ignore him. He wouldn't let go and wouldn't take no for an answer. I thought cheatin would be a dealbreaker, it wasn't, it made him hold on even tighter, so I did it again and again and purposefully left the texts on my phone knowing he would find them. It didn't work. I had to pick up the courage to walk out the door.
just my ESH... a person who cheats does not want to be faithful for whatever reason. It's not your fault it's theirs. For some resin they feel incompatible with their SO, and for some reason they don't want to or feel that they can't break up.
It's a complex thing. once a cheater always a cheater? no... does being an addict equal cheating? no... everyone is different, and every relationship is different. The only one who really knows why is the cheater themselves.