Originally Posted by
mnicot 
My boyfriend of over a year, who has relapsed several times with crack/cocaine, has cheated multiple times, one of which was with a woman in AA about 4 months ago. I found over a text message and ended the relationship. He managed to weasel his way back into my life about a month or so later of not taking his calls etc; I ended up taking him back because I do truly love him. Shortly after he had relapsed again, and now he is taking his sobriety serious. He moved in with his sponsor across town, and started going to another meeting close by to where he lives. He is not happy with the meeting and wants to go back to the old meeting he has been going to for years, which in my opinion, hasn't worked since he has relapsed during these meetings. His sponsor said he should go back to that meeting, but I am having a HUGE problem with the fact that the girl he cheated with attends. I asked him to find another meeting (there are many here in town) and he REFUSES to do so. I am about to pull the plug on the relationship, but I needed advice about this if I am making the right moved, or if I am just being unreasonable. His past history leads me to believe that he could in fact jump right back in to with her, and I will be left more hurt than ever. This has been an extremely difficult year, and I am about to quit the roller coaster ride. Advice anyone?
Welcome to the Board.
This topic comes up every now and then. Addicts, by their nature, often have very poor boundaries. And when you get a room full of addicts at an Al Anon or a Nar Anon meeting, it's worth remembering sick attracts sick. People can connect in a very intense way at these meetings in a short amount of time. So it doesn't surprise me that your ABF crossed the line with someone in the Fellowship. Same thing happened to me at least twice.
As for what to do about your boyfriend, that's entirely up to you. But what I will suggest is that you think about what your values are and whether or not your ABF shares them. If, after honest and deep reflection, you decide he doesn't, then you can boot his arse to the curb.
Mind you, if you decide to boot his arse to the curb, it will hurt like hell. The days and weeks to come will likely suck because you'll be grieving. But as much as emotional pain sucks -- and it does suck -- at least you'll be staying true to your moral compass by ridding yourself of someone that does not share it.
ZoSo