megamillion

So, I've been reading SR posts every damn day for the last 2 weeks trying to prepare myself for what's in store for myself when I start to withdraw (Like I haven't done it 5 times before or anything).
But here I am, filled with anger and anxiety for no reason. I can't stand to hear anything. Everything annoys me right now. The dog walking across the room, my girlfriends folky music, the feeling of anything touching my skin, the sun, my glasses. But, I haven't let this get to me. A couple hours ago I was convinced that I was going to give in but I just can't.
I have been using everyday this past month and desperately need to stop because I am starting outpatient treatment on Tuesday. I've been using on and off this past year but used previously for a straight year. I have already lied to girlfriend about starting outpatient this past week, but it was Finals week and I just couldn't afford to stop yet… I knew if I had stopped last week- I would have been brain dead and unable to write the 7 different papers that I needed to accomplish. But, I said Friday was the last day and it has been so far.
I feel incredibly bad for lying to my girlfriend. I honestly don't lie to her about anything unless I'm trying to protect my drug use. I have never cheated, or stolen anything. I have money, a car, a savings account. No one knows or even suspects that I would abuse crystal meth.
But, the truth is… I love it. I love the high. Until I don't. Until my heart is pounding in bed, until my mouth is as dry as the desert. Until the shadows creep in and I have to convince myself they aren't real. Until I swear I'm about to blow my head off if I continue doing this.
I desperately need support. Just any positive reinforcement would help. I want to make it out of this. I'm looking forward to my last final being over on Tuesday and then Outpatient beginning. My parents are also flying out to see me graduate this weekend. I'm excited but overwhelmed. Anything would help, especially if it came from a fellow tweaker.