Ugh. My ex smuggled a water bottle full of vodka into the Children's Museum once and got totally smashed. It was mortifying because it was so obvious and he really thought he was being slick, going up to other parents, striking up random bizarro conversations, breathing booze fumes in their faces.
Another time he took a water bottle of port wine to a park with DS 5 and I, chugged it and passed out on the park bench like a hobo. The police had to give him a ride home. DS 5 and I walked back and got there in time to see him pounding on the door like a maniac. I called to him and he started screaming through the door. He was too drunk to realize that I was standing in the front yard.
And one more, because I'm on a roll. He once somehow got so drunk between the grocery store and the house (I was driving, and he went back inside and chugged something right before we left) that he passed out in the car in the grocery store parking lot. DS 5 and I went in, got our groceries, went home, went inside, put them away and he was still passed put in the car. He woke up a couple of hours later and it took him another hour and a half to get from the car to the front lawn, where he passed out again. The police were driving by and picked him up and thoughtfully brought him to the door. At some point during all of this he had pooped his pants, which the cop was thoughtful enough to point out to me. My ex later blamed it on the dog.
He's an alcoholic, what was my excuse again?
OK I'm done.