whatcouldbe - nice name.. as in how bright the future could be if you overcome your drinking problem? That is what it makes me think of.
I don't think there is any answer to the question "Why" are you an alcoholic. In fact, I am quite confident there is no answer
The fact is, those with this "affliction" (you and me and a LOT of other people, many brilliant, beautiful, interesting, etc., etc.) would do well to stop asking why and accept the situation ASAP, and then we can find out "what could be".
Congrats on making it through the day. You helped me out.