Mornings
Feeling exceptionally worthless this morning as I have finally put two and two together on why the new doorknobs my roommates bought have locks on them. I've completely lost their trust on the last binge I went on. I took a lot of alcohol from one of their rooms and ended up drinking every last drop of it. Conflicting thoughts of anger with myself and those who pity me, and depression. There's no worse feeling than thinking on how things used to be, and knowing that they can never go back to that. I'll never look quite the same to anyone around me or to myself in the mirror. It breaks my heart so see that they mean well but have no idea how to even be around me anymore.
I feel what I feel on this morning and I know that this is the last "Day Four" I will ever have to count. I will not relapse because I do not drink anymore. I will not let myself down because I am stronger than that. Perspective is what I need to gain again, something I haven't been able to have in years.