Fear, fear, fear. I could list them all, but it wouldn't really matter...it all boils down to some fear. Fear was the same reason I drank and used and until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired I didn't get sober. I was driven by 100 forms of fear as the Big Book of AA says. I have been sober now 5 years by God's grace. I am no longer afraid to face the isms in my life. Today I am slowly stepping through the fears of Letting my addict Go and Letting God. Some days are a struggle alone, but most now are not. The God of my understanding is big enough to care for me and my children and my AH who is out there somewhere.