You are not alone man. Came here two years ago about 5 years out from college where I started drinking heavily towards senior year and it never stopped. I hate being the do as I say not as I do type but just stop. It just gets worse and worse. You lose everything and your health progressively gets worse. I carry bags in my car so I can throw up without my family knowing. It just gets so much worse quitting 2 years ago seems like it would have been so much easier now. If you continue having problems this site is here for you though. Just realize you're not the only one fighting this fight. It's a battle, one I've been too weak to win. Don't be like that. Be one of the winners.