The spinning brain is deadly to the alcoholic. Many people here call this the AV (Addictive Voice) it is your addiction talking. You have to find ways to shut it up. Whatever that looks like and sounds like to you.
The rest of your life there are going to be ads, bars, weddings, birthdays, Friday afternoons, summer pool parties, dinner out, etc. You have to accept that if you are alcoholic you cannot have that first drink. I assume you have already tried moderation previously and found it didn't work, right?