Hi mrsjosaphat - your situation sounds really overwhemling for you at the moment. The one thing I truely believe is if you keep drinking it will only get worse. SR is so incredibly supportive - you can do your volunteering and spend hours on this website. Read and post here alot. A driving force in me getting sober was the fear of me losing my husband and children. As my head is a little clearer (Day 23 sober) and I realise how important it is for my own self-respect. Welcome to SR.