My rehab stay was not by choice but was
forced by family intervention and a court
order that got me in the door of recovery.
Im trying to think about my stay that happened
23 yrs ago, and even tho it was a many one
days sober a time ago, it seemed like yesterday
that my life would change for the better. A
heathy, honest, grateful better.
When I was in rehab I was about 30 yrs old,
with 2 little ones at home and in a 8 yr marriage.
Everyone at home had carried on with help
from family members while I was locketed
inside a secure, alcohol free inviroment.
Today, I can look back and see how I was
so into self, so self centered, always worried
about me, how I looked, making sure I
looked better than I felt. In fact that was
exactly what I did all my life around others,
when I drank, which I never gave a reason
or raised red flags when actually alcohol
was bringing me down. What im saying is,
I hide my illness, sickness quite well.
Anyway...
Today, as I reflect back, I sat amongst
many others in rehab that were just as
sick as I. Many were there against their
will and other for whatever reason got
them there.
I didn't realize that at that time because
the world revolved around me. Many of those
patiants were coming in at all different stages
of their addiction. Some were in for detox.
Some were a few days without substance
others a week and so on.
It is really hard to communicate with
others even tho we were all sick and
there to learn about our addictions
and learn how to live without it when
we would be released.
Our minds, bodies and souls were all on
different plans so to speak. Everyone
had problems in life in which substances
were used to escape those problems.
Many were on prescribed meds that were
administered early in the morning along
with vital signs taken. For me, I thought
I was better than many because I didn't
have to take any kind of meds while I was
there.
Im pretty sure I was in denial about
lots of stuff going on in my life and
until I came to terms with my addiction
to alcohol then I wasn't gonna get better.
Anyway.....I went thru 28 days with
ups and downs in my emotions, angry,
resentful, unhappy, sad etc. ...I know
I tried to be kind and nice to others but
if something didn't go my way, then I
copped a huge resentment and stayed
in my room crying or just wanting to
punch others out. Not that I would, but
when you are learning how to get all
those toxins out of your system, life
seems so unfair. People seem so rude,
crude and unacceptable.
In rehab I got enough information fed
to my brain about recovery and my
addiction to take with me when I left.
It was after that the true test would
come when the willingness to do or go
to any lengths to remain sober with all
those useful helpful recovery tools passed
on to me would be put to good use.
I did do what I was suppose to do because
the ultimatum for drinking again would be
to lose my family and marriage. I would be
kicked out of my home for sure. And that
scared the heck out of me.
So, with determination and i'll show you
that im not staying sober for you, I would
and will remain sober for me, myself and I.
That selfish thinking has kept me sober
for the last 23 yrs with raising 2 talented
loving little adults and end my 25 yr marriage.
With Faith, my recovery foundation to live
upon, I am forever grateful for those first
28 days in rehab to begin my journey to
continue living an honest, healthy, happy
remarried life today.
Take the opportunity to listen, learn,
absorb and then apply to your new
life in recovery for many yrs. to come.
This is your journey. Go for you. Do
it for urself and be yourself.
