WTAF?
Damn. I'm guessing finding a new lawyer at this point isn't doable financially?
Because that lawyer doesn't sound like she knows what she's doing -- maybe she does legally, but she seems to be lacking a bit in the common sense and protecting kids department...
So, based on my experience, some thoughts:
CPS. Where I was, they were useless for my kids. They were so used to serious physical and sexual abuse that "mere" verbal abuse or some hair pulling or the occasional slap didn't rise to the level of "concerning" for them -- neither did, btw, alcoholism. From what I've heard from you, they seem better where you're at. I hope that's the case.
Is he being charged with anything following what happened at your house? Is he facing criminal charges?
Going for 50/50 custody with an abusive man is repulsive. I did it, because I needed the divorce over with, and like you, I was at the end of my rope and had no energy to fight anymore. In the end, it worked out OK, but it did mean my kids were exposed to him without me being able to protect them for a couple of years. Unlike you, though, I was only concerned about their physical safety twice during those years.
I had the good fortune of working with an attorney who was part of a practice. At one point, he advised me to go for full custody but said I had about a 50/50 chance of winning. I asked one of his partners for advise. That guy had the opposite advice. He advised me to wait and "give him enough rope; he'll hang himself" -- and that's what I ended up doing.
I have no advice for you. It's a horrid choice to make. There's a good chance your STBX will screw up enough that you can go for full custody later -- but what happens to the kids in the meantime? OTOH, reality is that custody fights are EXPENSIVE. I've put myself and my new husband in a situation where we are putting off buying a house because I'll be paying off my lawyer for another year. (Yes, I had a lawyer who accepted a payment plan after I had paid him a total of around $30K.)
If you can't pay a good lawyer to represent you, you can't. If that's the reality, then it is what it is. And all you can do is hope and pray. If you can scare up the funds somehow, hire a new lawyer and find the meanest junk yard dog scorched earth one you can find. Even if it means you'll have to sell your house and move into an apartment at the end of it.
It SUCKS that money limits you so much. But it is what it is. Occasionally, you run into a great attorney who'll do part of the work for free, or put you on a payment plan. But they're rare.
I hate this for you.
