When I first got here, I fretted over whether to call my STBXAH an alcoholic. Someone told me, it matters less that we label him, and it matters more that you have decided that his drinking is a problem for you, and that you don't want to live like this.
Whatever you call it, his drinking means consequences for you, and that's no good.
This. Exactly. It took me a long time to decide that whatever you called it, it was something AXH had no interest in changing, and something I didn't want to live with anymore.
I would also like to gently suggest that when we get to the point where we keep track of when and where our significant other is drinking, and what type of alcohol (and also when we hear ourselves say things like "he's not drinking heavy liquor, only beer") -- then their drinking
is affecting our well-being in a significant way.