Hey Wess, congrats on your sobriety and progress! I'm 4 months in, too, and pretty happy about it now. For me the biggest improvement between 3 months and now has been a boost to my self-confidence in navigating in this recovery business... I've been jumping all over the map between different recovery methods, learning tons, trying to figure out what might work for me. It's still far from a solid straight approach, but I feel I have a much better grasp on it now. Huge thanks to SR for this, in my case. I see that you have not posted a lot on the site - if you still feel lonely, give it a chance - it has really erased most of my lonely feelings. I was very isolated in the last couple years before quitting, and don't feel that way at all, anymore. So many new things to focus on.
The other area where I relate to you a bit is what you have written about your wife - how is it going now, would you mind saying a few words? I have also experienced quite a bit of relationship dynamic since I've gotten sober; this is a same sex relationship with another woman and we've been together (well, I no longer view this "togetherness" the way I did just a few months ago) for >2 years. Not living together currently. In our case, the dynamic is mostly due to changes in my feelings and how I experience and view the whole construct. She is very accepting and accommodating, one could say stable, but also has a lot of denial, I think.
Have you found anything that makes it easier between your wife and yourself? For us, there have been lots and lots of conversations lately, which is nice, but I feel there are some real differences in how we view the relationship now and a possible future. It may well be that it's just the changes in my mind and it'll change further, we'll see. In any case, I'm trying to be better at focusing on her as well as myself and figuring this out.
I also just started therapy and I think it will be a fantastic journey for me... but at least in the beginning I prefer to focus on a bunch of issues that are my own priorities. Maybe try to address the relationship thing later. I suggested to her that she also tried individual therapy on her own, and then we could discuss what we learn, but she does not seem open to it. In the beginning she said yes, but I think she's afraid.
Anyhow, if you have any additional thoughts or insight to share, I would be interested.
Good luck on your journey!
