Originally Posted by
pauladmits 
Things have been really slipping for me. About to turn 30 in June, had trouble playing hockey this year and missed some games, I work at home every day so I'm drunk while working. I realize that people are going to say AA, hospital, treatment, etc. I'm still as stubborn and arrogant as before although I will say I'm much more humble now in the fact that I have failed so many times and realize that I'm a real life alcoholic. It's bad. I'm also a real life hermit these days. I do not hang out with friends, I've basically lost all of my friends except my close ones from college. I'm just killing myself here and can't stop it.
I can't help but observe that the lifestyle you've built has you barricaded from the outside world, and your comments suggest that you've barricaded yourself from treatment.
I agree that you "can't stop it"...on your own. You've demonstrated this in dramatic fashion. But if you're not amenable to getting outside help, then there's little left to be done.
Get yourself into detox and then into rehab. Your life is falling down all around you, and it sounds like it's about to bury you. As much as I might want to, I can't come up there to help you shovel.