The abuse in my head stops
The abuse stops in my head because I say it stops and my life will not be lived one more moment in doubts, if only and what ifs. The agony of . . if only he would see things from my perspective.The lies and believing the lies. The abuse in my head stops today.
I made up my mind and finally forgive myself. I did all I could, I did not fail. . . I survived and came out stronger than ever. I am taking care of me . . and me only. I will not force a smile to cover up the shame and embarrassment I use to feel anymore.
I will not fall to my knees in the kitchen crying hysterically holding on to dear life. . . alone as always. . . I will not think or tell myself ever again the world would be better off without me as I think I could easily end it with a knife in the drawer because I am a no body.
I will not just cope with life I will live my life on my terms. I will not apologize for doing so.
I don't care what anyone else thinks or says about me. I am not a failure!!!
I am working very hard to continue to build my self esteem and will not bow down ever again to any man who cannot put me first and love themselves. I deserve and demand happiness.
The world is not the same as it was in 1940's where marriage and "death do us part "was meant and not just words. The world is 2014 where divorce is the norm and cheating is not a dirty word it is expected. (Although it doesn't make it right.) I will walk the path I am on now with my head held high and high morals. No matter how much the world continues to change. I will not change to fit other peoples customs and things that tickle the ear. I know who I am and where I am going.
The abuse stops today because I choose to stop it.
Radiant~