pauladmits

Alright, been 2 years or so on this site. Haven't posted in over a year. Just wanted to say things have gotten worse. I'm still drinking every morning, day, and night. I'm a real life functional alcoholic. I have a job that pays a lot but I'm addicted to gambling so I live with my parents. I have seen a psych for the past two years and have been on an anti-depressant that has really taken away any depressive thoughts. But alcohol just rules my life. When I was on this site using my daily journal it was the best 2 months I've had in the last 5 years. I want to do that again, I want to make it known to myself everyday that this is a problem right now and that waiting tomorrow to deal with it is not going to work.

Things have been really slipping for me. About to turn 30 in June, had trouble playing hockey this year and missed some games, I work at home every day so I'm drunk while working. I realize that people are going to say AA, hospital, treatment, etc. I'm still as stubborn and arrogant as before although I will say I'm much more humble now in the fact that I have failed so many times and realize that I'm a real life alcoholic. It's bad. I'm also a real life hermit these days. I do not hang out with friends, I've basically lost all of my friends except my close ones from college. I'm just killing myself here and can't stop it. I really would like to come back to this forum and just talk about my problems. Even if people don't care, just talking to the computer and putting it out there makes me feel so much better about my goals to stop drinking. That was the best couple months of my life.

I appreciate anyone listening. Tough to come back and continually admit you are a failure and you are actually worse off than before.