Thanks all.
@hypochondriac what's been working is AA. But more importantly, finally getting to a place where I've realized I really like myself better sober.
All my adult life I would quit and start again. Chasing a fantasy life I thought I was missing out on when I wasn't drinking.
4 years ago I woke up (hungover of course) and had an overwhelming feeling that I'd exhausted every possible means of trying to "control" my drinking and simply gave in. The amazing thing was I felt a sort of relief and then the realization that I'm so much closer to being the person I've always wanted to be when I'm not drinking.
I'm still not "normal" but a heck of a lot closer than when I was out there. Not having a single hangover for over 4 years now isn't so bad either
I wish you well.
NN