Gazza - I never drank to alleviate my panic. In fact, I drank knowing my anxiety would make me uncomfortable the next day. Early in my drinking, when I only drank in social settings, when I could go a week or two between drinks, choosing to drink was a calculated risk. I traded the social lubricant of alcohol for peace of mind and body. In the beginning I knew my body was such that it couldn't handle alcohol and still function optimally.
Historically I've resented when my constitution hasn't allowed me to do what "everyone else" does. Whether that was drink alcohol, or not exercise every day, or eat sugar. And historically when I've fought against what my body needs to function optimally, the results have been abysmal.
So part of recovery for me is committing every day to doing what I uniquely must do to be healthy. I look within to find the answers. Long term recovery, for me, is going to require checking in with myself every single day.
For example, I don't have to work today as it's a Holiday in the US. Today I woke up feeling the beginning symptoms of anxiety brewing. My body needs to exercise. My mind wants me to slither into the couch, brew a pot of coffee, and read a book. Historically I'd tell myself I work hard and I deserve a day off from the daily grind. Everyone else gets to take a day off from exercise. I resent that my constitution doesn't allow one. I deserve a break.
I'm learning to listen to my cues. I'll give myself exercise and movement to alleviate the anxiety, and drink herbal tea this morning instead of coffee. The flip side of this coin is not being so rigid in my thinking that I don't listen when my body is begging for a day off.
It's a long road to wellness.
I hope the Febbies are having a good day.