Good morning and Happy Memorial Day to all,
I have to start by saying that I begin this day with a heavy heart. My best friend died from cancer last June and today would have been her 44th birthday. We lived next door to each to other and were inseparable growing up. I flew up to see her for her birthday last year, knowing she was probably not going to make it much longer. We had some laughs, shared some memories, and had some great conversations which I will hold on to forever. She also struggled with alcohol and we often shared our commitment to quit. I promised her that I would stay in her children’s lives, which I have not done as much as I should have the past six months, so I will be reaching out to them and her family today. I miss her more than I can even express.
DI: Your last minute get together reminded me of how much simpler life is when we are sober. So much less to worry about and hide. Happy for you
LS- 100 days is amazing! I guess we all have to practice some patience and just trust that as long as we are doing the right thing, good things will come..in time. I always thought that once I quit drinking, I’d lose weight like crazy, become a fitness nut, be incredibly organized and well, ….”perfect”. In reality, I lose a little weight, exercise much more and am much more organized. It’s all BETTER, just not like it was in my fantasy.
Gazza- You are handling your relationship with dignity, and I would say that it has much to do with your sobriety. Expressing your feelings..once.. is all you really need to do. I unfortunately, not too long ago, was also that person pleading and begging and carrying on (sometimes sober, sometimes not). I commend you for being able to rise above that and not allow yourself to get into that desperate state. We can’t force people to behave the way we want them to by acting a certain way or by saying the “right” thing. It never works. And you are saving yourself so much heartache by rising above that. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Easy to say, harder to believe, I know.
Well today is one week (again) for me. I have thoughts of drinking here and there, but they have been relatively easy to squash. I admit that I am scared of that one day when I don’t have the strength to squash them. When I’m feeling “off”, things aren’t going my way, my bad thoughts are getting the better of me, and drinking seems to be the answer. That is when I am my weakest. I know the strategies, it’s just a matter of using them that ONE time when it is the hardest.
Today we are going to my mother’s ..no alcohol involved. I know that my best friend is my angel now and I know she knows my battle with this. I can hear her voice in my head and I know she is behind me every step of the way.
Hope everyone has a nice, sober holiday