We're going to agree to disagree - Acknowledging the hurt of a loved one is not "taking sides" in my opinion. You can still acknowledge the abusive behavior of someone but still love them (separate person from behavior). I agree that "it's not up to them", but I wouldn't use that wording - they've made a choice that I feel hurt by, and I will need to accept their choice. Doesn't mean it will be easy - it means I have to accept the feeling of rejection and abandonment. I think it's unhealthy to completely shut the door on the past, but I understand your point about being concerned about dwelling on it. I don't follow forgive and forget - I can forgive, but I think it's dangerous to forget. I lived almost 35 years playing the forgive and forget card and played the martyr - I'm not interested in that anymore.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts.