thank you, rochelle. very true all around. I don't want to come off as controlling. She will always be able to throw back at me that I like to drink here and there, but as I stated …I have no problem going without for an indefinite period of time. And I am not an enabler. I try not to have alcohol in the house and don't crave a drink ever. When I drink, it's social. Most days I prefer a cold bottle of water or a gatorade (which isn't great for you either in relation to sugar content). I will keep at this from a distance for now and ease my way into the discussion. the anger and defensiveness on her part troubles more than anything because that, to me, is a clear indication that there is a problem. thank you very much!