Proud of myself
My AH offered up an apology and I won't go into details. It was very nondescript and basically said, "I'm sorry I've been a jerk for the past 2 years." So, when I said, "I accept your apology.", he replied, "For what?" UGH!!!
Anyway, he told me he's working on himself. He's gone to one AA meeting, he sees a new therapist every other week and he's reading all kinds of relationship books. His new book is called, "How to Fix your Marriage without Talking About it". I'm just really proud of myself because I'm staying detached. I'm not defending myself when he says things that are meant to provoke me like during his apology. I've learned to just sit and listen and nod my head and agree.
I've finally come to understand that I can't argue with insanity, I don't want to provoke or JADE anymore(justify, argue, defend, explain), and I am OK with letting him do what he needs to do to find his own path. I know what it looks like now to step out of his hula hoop and it feels refreshing to me to know that he might have been disappointed that I didn't engage, but I know it kept me safe.
What becomes of his own recovery is for him to discover. I can only watch and wait and keep moving on with my life. If our lives intersect in the future due to him coming to reality and finding sobriety, then great. If not, that's ok too. I feel good today despite the insanity in which I live.