Day 3 has been mixed, but ultimately a good one. A lot of positives. I went to replace the alcohol I had effectively stolen from my parents and they were already home from their holiday. Great. I can normally spin a lie but this time I just felt compelled to tell them the truth. I told them about the binge, the hospitalisation, everything. My fears, my anxiety, my desire to beat this and seek help. It went so well with them that I don't really know what I was worried about in the first place. It was a huge weight off my mind despite feeling so inadequate to begin with.
I went to a garden centre with a friend and shaked my way through a breakfast in their cafe and then went and played golf with him which I haven't done for almost a year. I was so shaky on the first tee off that I swung and missed 5 times. Hah! I can laugh now but at the time when people were watching I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. But that's the nature of anxiety and by hole 5 I had actually resolved myself by the fact that so what if I'm crap at golf, I'm there to relax, have some fun with a friend, get some exercise and partake in some "shinrin-yoku", which my mother had told me about earlier when i said i might be going to play.
I'm now back at home and am reading here again, reading about such great techniques as urge surfing and gaining positivity by reading stories so similar to mine that makes me feel like I don't have to suffer this alone and that I am indeed not the only one suffering this in the first place.
Tonight will be a test - It's the champions league final, football. I'm tempted to stay away from the bar and relax here by myself, but a part of me wants to be strong and practice some of the techniques I've been reading about, I'm just not sure if I'm ready. I think I'll make my mind up nearer the time.
Thanks again everyone.