Good morning everyone and happy Friday. I have had a strange and difficult week in one sense and a really good week in another sense. I'm learning to live with dissonance.
Life is interesting.
I read this quote from Rilke yesterday:
Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final
I thought I'd share it here. All of it, but especially the "no feeling is final" really spoke to me. How many times have I drank over a feeling that was going to go away within hours? So, so many times.
Life is crazy and I have a lot of worries but I also have a lot of moments of joy and hope now. I'm starting to deal with some deferred maintenance over the last 10 years or so and it is sometimes freeing and sometimes depressing, but I feel good that I'm taking steps to move forward and repair. Yesterday that meant getting three fillings at the dentist - not glamorous, not fun, but necessary. Still have a LOT of work to do but mornings like this with the birds singing and the house quiet I do feel clarity that I'm on the right path. For so many years I have been on no path. What a difference.
AA is really helping me. Finnie - it isn't for everyone, but if it helps even a little bit and there aren't alternatives, I'd encourage you to keep going for now. If there are alternatives, try something else, but I do think just stopping something you've been doing for recovery without replacing it with other support is a worry. It kind of reminds me of when my main recovery support was running and I had to stop because of an injury. I felt a huge relief at first because I frankly was happy to have a break. But slowly anxiety and frustration and stress began to build that I was no longer giving myself an outlet to, and eventually I did drink again. Looking back a big, big factor was letting running drop and not replacing it with something else. Just don't get complacent. I need to tell myself that as well, of course.
Hope you are all doing ok - Odelle that you had a better day, Kris that your pain is improving, and everyone that you are keeping on keeping on.