Invitation to a wedding
I've been invited to a family wedding. It will be a real high society affair, top hat & tails no expense spared. I'm looking forward to it....slightly, sort of! Not in an excited way but in a relaxed kind of way, like this:
I know firstly, categorically, uppermost in my mind & whole being that I will not drink. This makes me feel secure, serene, comfortable & without fear or trepidation. So, to that end I'm looking forward to it. I run through my mind what this whole affair will be like and think more about what I'm going to do with my dog that weekend! Actually!!!
Whatever happens, I will remember everything. I will enjoy the day to it's fullest as it glides along. I will go when I've had enough (we've booked in to a nearby hotel for the night to save the drive home). I'l probably take my doggie, therefore will go back & forth to my room to feed her & walk her etc. The next morning I will absolutely get up early, maybe 5or 6am to walk her, get dressed & ready fore breakfast and enjoy another god given day.
If I were still drinking: omg, wow, another fantastic occasion to booze. And I can drink as much as I like coz everyone will be boozing & partying and not care or notice what I'm drinking. I will get as drunk as a sack. I will dance like I think I'm really sexy & attractive, but in actual fact look like a drunk old hag. My make-up will be everywhere, yuk yuk, I won't care to look in the mirror to redo my make-up. I might at some stage fall over. I will probably stay to the bitter end, definitely I was one of those people who would be with the crowd getting after hours drinks at the hotel. I would definitely go to bed after my husband. I would be smoking. I would fall into bed with all my make-up on!
The next morning: I would come to feeling like death. Get up, go to bathroom, look like a horror movie, take some pain killers then try & recover myself for the day ahead. Putting aside all the guilts, paranoia, feelings of impending doom: omg what did I say, did I offend anybody etc.
I used to live that life at least three times a week, more if we had a special invitation! I'm grateful I did not kill myself in the interim. Thanks SR for listening & have a great (sober) weekend xx