Hi Lucrezia,
There is lots of hope for you. And if you don't feel so much of it now then I will have it for you till you can feel it again. Hope and faith there was something better for me was sometimes the only things I had to hang on to. And on the days I felt hopeless or was scared I was hopeless, I hung on to what other people on here told me. That they had hope for me. That they did it. It wasn't easy for them. It took a lot of work. But they did it.
It reminded me to not give up on myself.
I felt like that too before I quit. Now that I have, I see..for me anyway...it wasn't that getting drunk filled a hole I had as much as it just numbed me to the fact I had a hole. It just diverted me from ever working on the things that would actually fill that hole.
That's just me anyway. I felt something was missing but instead of seeing that feeling as life's way of telling me I needed to find what I was missing, I just shut it up by drinking. I confused shutting down with pleasure. And it turned out to be similar to wearing a really nice looking pair of heels that killed my feet and it felt like pleasure to take them off.
I had to learn it was the heels causing the problem in the first place.
Don't give up. You are not hopeless. None of us are. ((Hug)) to you.