ReadyAtLast - I will look into AVRT therapy. I think I have heard a bit about it. I shall look into it some more.
Mentium - I did a pros/cons list, with the numbers too. But this was last month~
Pros of drinking: 35
Cons of drinkings: 60
Pros of NOT drinking: 37
Cons of NOT drinking: 26
The pro of drinking is 35, and the pro of NOT drinking is only 2 points more. *cries*
But when I look at the CONS, then... it's much more clear.
FreeOwl - I'm on a waiting list for a group or something, for sobriety. My therapist is helping me to set this all up. Hopefully once I can meet up with other people, it will help.
Thank you to everyone else who responded, too.
The pleasure I get from drinking is so strong, that compared to that pleasure, all the negatives of drinking seem to fall away and it doesn't seem worth it. Doesn't *seem* worth it. It's not REALLY worth it to keep drinking - I just feel stuck. I don't *want* to know that there is this way that I could feel, if I wanted to... if I only just drank.... I think one of the problems is that I'm not able to feel too happy with my life sober. I'm sure it's possible. I'm pretty sure I have felt happy in my life before. I see other people happy, too. I need to find a way to have a fulfilling life sober.
I've been working with a therapist for two years though (not about alcohol, but other stuff) and now I just feel worse than ever. But maybe that's because there's so much stuff to work through, and it's all coming up now...all the buried stuff. Maybe that's it?? I am for the most part, very lonely. I can enjoy nature, music, art, a good cup of coffee, etc. but..... real and meaningful relationships I think are missing.
And I don't know what else. Perhaps I will always be doomed to be unhappy. So maybe it's just fate for me to follow in my father's footsteps, and *his* father's footsteps, and on and on... maybe being a functional alcoholic in this life is the best middle ground to take. I don't know.
I REALLY DON'T WANT IT TO BE THIS WAY.
But omg, I feel stuck.