I think I could have written your post almost word for word, OP.
I think both my parents have personality disorders. The alcoholism was never 'obvious.' No out and out physical abuse.
I do think there was sexual inappropriateness (I have had, all my life, a memory of being beside my father watching a movie that no child should have been watching.) I think I have been labeled a liar all my life for saying it happened, and I think I'm still paying the price for that today.
I look back and know I went out of my way to marry someone totally unlike my father, and instead married someone who was weak (ie, no threat), and that became it's own problem.
I don't think I'm controlling.
And yes, I definitely have to turn to God over and over, because life surrounded by an alcoholic family and all the ripples from that, which have spread to extended family, XH, children, even people at my church who hear my mother's mixed up beliefs about who I am, can feel very painful, lonely, and unmanageable at times.
At the same time, lately I've been struggling with raging at God: I did not deserve this! I was a child, taken to a place no father should have taken his father, and I have spent decades paying the price for saying it happened. I didn't deserve this!