I haven't mentioned this to xAH (that the girls are deeply upset) and I don't intend to PRECISELY bc when I have in the past, no matter what the issue, it gets twisted and I get told I am filling their heads with these ideas and alienating him.
Yep, and true NPD crazy doesn't end either, it just kind of ebbs. My DS14 just had a weekend visit with his dad, who parked him at somebody's house for a weekend while he attended a combat training class. Combat training? Good lord. OKAY SUPERMAN. He's obsessed with the idea of saving someone and/or protecting himself from unspecified attacks, to the point where it's really weird, fantasy survivalist combat stuff, more about being a hero than being "prepared" or educated about weaponry and bush craft. He gets to see DS14 every other weekend, and he always ends up parking the kid at home while he fulfills all his fantasies. But if it's not abuse or neglect, I can't do anything. If it was abuse or neglect, I'd have to do exactly what you're doing.
The one thing that really made it better at my house was just calling it what it was. I think part of my codependency was worrying what would happen if everyone knew my A was an A, or knew that my ex was NPD,
or knew that I was the disaster that picked two bad guys to have kids with. This doesn't reflect on you and your situation, except that once I let myself off the hook and started dealing with this insane and unacceptable behavior directly as a reality that needed to be addressed in our lives for our peace and sanity, things immediately got better for me and my kids.
You're doing okay, mama, despite his mess. When you are through this, you'll make millions on the book deal ("How to divorce an alcoholic narcissist without losing your mind (mostly).")
